Yea I know, it's been a hot minute since I wrote a blog. It just feels like things have been a tad crazy. And for all three of you waiting for this, well here you go 😂😂😂. I know you are probably reading that title and wondering what the heck I have to say. Let me paint you a bit of a picture: It was 2021, cue dramatic effect, the year of continued lockdowns and restrictions. We were in our third or fourth alcohol ban (who can even remember?). I had been more prepared this time, learning my lesson from the last time. Although at that time, there was no end in sight to the ban lifting. I had saved one bottle which I got for Christmas .
I wanted to share it with close friends over a meal - something I love to do. I had this mini realisation that the way we were living was like the prohibition in the 1920’s. A few less speakeasy’s (that I know of) - and the outfits of sweat pants definitely don't compare, but there was a ban. There sat my last bottle of wine.
On top of my cupboard (yes, that is my very classy wine rack). I was having a spring clean kinda day, you know the one that happens once in a while and decided to clean the top of my cupboards too (wild I know!). And then, something TERRIBLE happened... as I was cleaning next to that one last beautiful bottle, I bumped it and it plummeted to it’s death! I watched it shatter and as it did, so did my plan of enjoying it with friends.
Needless to say my apartment looked like a blood bath (it was red wine haha) and smelled like a winery. The funny thing is I was on top of the counter to reach on top of the cupboards so I had to James Bond my way down without trying to step on all the mess. I, however, was unsuccessful in my James Bond stealth and stepped on multiple shards of small glass even trying to get down from the cupboard. It was a mess.
I felt soooo disappointed and in all honestly, a small part of me even wondered if I could save some - that was a hard NO haha. Now what does all this have to do with anything? I know this probably sounds silly - but as a I stood looking at that spilled wine, I felt like bursting into tears. Not because I would never have wine again (that wasn't the issue haha), but because I realised that my life has felt a bit like that in the last while. I don’t know about you, but I’ve put a few things on the shelf, saving them (maybe even holding onto them for dear life), with the hopes of enjoying them at some point. We just gotta make it through the next moment, and then the next and then the next. After this deadline I'll be able to breath, after this job I'll have some more finances to cover the rent increase and petrol, after this week I'll make it to Saturday where I can enjoy my sabbath....at some point I'll get there.
The reality is that I'm not sure what's going to happen and when I have planned for something - it still feels like in a moment anything can happen - because it can. Even carefully placed on a shelf, things can shatter. It's like I have this mindset that I need to wait before I can REALLY start living.
I find temporary solutions to try and make up for the things I have put on the shelf, the things I am saving for..... What about you? Is there something you have put on a shelf, saving for another day? Can you see it sitting there? Waiting for better or brighter days? Is your strength maybe resting on your own shoulders? Are you grasping at the things you can control and trying to hold tightly to them? For me, it's like I don't expect God to be God. I need to make sure everything is in order and put "on the shelf". That way, the likelihood of them shattering decreases. I know it's not true but at times, it takes a smashed bottle of wine to realise it. To realise again that, although difficult, there is nowhere else I want to put my trust, other than in God. A verse that has popped up left, right and centre in the last while for me is Psalm 121:1-2. It says this: 1-2 I look up to the mountains; does my strength come from mountains? No, my strength comes from God, who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.
If I paraphrased this for the above situation, it would read like this: 1-2 I look up to the mountains (shelf); does my strength come from mountains (what's on the shelf?) No, my strength comes from God, who made heaven, and earth, and mountains (shelves. haha) I don't know what it is for you and I can say that the long obedience in the same direction is hard, BUT, I realise again that our strength comes from God - who made HEAVEN and EARTH and THE MOUNTAINS > He can be trusted.
Hope this encourages you in some small way and remember that God sees you and knows your name!
Much Love
Kels
Xxx
