But maybe it’s time to ask yourself why. I don’t know about you but 2021 hasn’t felt like a new year per say - it’s felt like 2020 extended and while I love the significance of a new year I’m under no pretence that things are miraculously different.
But something different has been stirring within me, and maybe you too? It feels at the moment, like I’m in a sea of fog, I can’t see much of what’s in front or around me. In areas I feel like I have stagnated or hit a ceiling. But I’ve been asking a lot of questions. Taking them to God, wrestling with the truth in his word. I feel the fog as it gently rests on my skin, I can't see beyond what is right in front of me but I know that there is more.
The thing with fog and wading through it is that it often requires trust. If you are driving you need to trust the road to lead you, if you are walking you have to take one step at a time. A verse that I cannot get away from at the moment is this:
Give God the right to direct your life, and as you trust him along the way you’ll find he pulled it off perfectly! - Psalm 37:5 TPT
I feel a deep upheaval at the moment, where I am stirred to wade through the fog, and to allow God to remove the deep un-truths in my life. I know un-truths aren't a thing but I have realise that God wants to separate the false truths from his truth. I feel an urgent need to allow the truth of God's word to take root in my life, like never before and to allow him to take control. To give him the right to direct my life, to lead me through me the fog and know that He is already on the other side. As we wade through the fog, I sense that he will continue to remove what needs removing and illuminate what needs illuminating. It makes me think of this:
I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me; God, don’t let me down! I’ll run the course you lay out for me if you’ll just show me how. - Psalm 119:32
I always get stuck when I focus too hard on the how. How do I do this? God, HOW?? I hear you but I don't even know where to start? Ever tried to figure out HOW to do something and you just can't? Like running into a wall? Trying to understand the how can paralyse someone like me. It can make me feel helpless and completely useless. Like I just don't have what it takes.
I have begun to realize how I have trusted in my own abilities and strength to get through. It’s a hard realization to have, when there is no bells and whistles to lesson the blow. Just the truth. And while it is freeing to realize, it is also a tough pill to swallow. It's my own striving and it's exhausting. But often I realise it's exhausting too late, when I am already exhausted and left in a pile of my own undoing.
Have you ever been there? You know you can do something because you have the skills and abilities - you hear people say how goood you are at something and all of a sudden it becomes your truth. It becomes who you are. But is it really the TRUTH?
This has all been brought to a head as I’ve found myself perplexed about calling, purpose, crafts, talents, gifting and anointing.
You know those words you hear, the preaches you listen to, the scriptures you read and the comparisons you make. I can't be alone in asking these questions, surely? God what is purpose? Is it short-term and long-term? Am I where I am supposed to be? Is this part of my calling? Am I anointed? Is it only for some? Am I operating in grace and gifting?
Suddenly skills are not enough, charisma is not enough, degrees are not enough. Only God is enough. Control is not worth it. I vividly remember reading this line from Keep Hope Alive: "the opposite of faith is not fear, it's control" And this is coming from someone who schedules her day to day, hour to hour. If I plan, I know what to expect, even though each day brings about something of it's own, I know more or less what it looks like. Although I don't always know what I am making for dinner, I know the set of ingredients in the fridge waiting for me to decide. When someone asks me to do something and it changes my plans, I don't always love it. But I think far too often I am stuck in schedule and a to do list that I miss what God is busy with.
Being consumed with purpose and calling and gifting doesn't mean we are consumed by the Holy One. Often it's just another distraction to be consumed with ourselves. Me. Mine. How do I. But as we surrender, as we give God the right to direct our lives, we'll find he pulled it off perfectly. A deep surrender and an embracing of the truth in his word and as we trust him, he'll lead us.
Keep taking one step at a time friends, look to God, ask him questions and embrace the fog,knowing full well that God will lead the way!
Much Love,
Kels
Xxx
